What she really wants for Valentine's Day...

2 hours ago
3 min read

She wants a brand new episode of RHOBH,

Hillstone on a silver platter,

and 45 minutes of no human contact

until she’s fully defrosted...

Just kidding!

Here's what she really wants from you, from a therapist's perspective.

TIME TO DECOMPRESS

Life can be super busy and overwhelming, for better or worse. Regardless we are all more apt for romance, connection and goodtime when we truly feel restored. Sometimes the gift of time to recollect ourselves is priceless; whether it’s a long, uninterrupted hot shower or a full day at the spa, we could all use a minute to unload.

THE RIGHT ENVIRONMENT

As much as I LOVE getting dressed and going out, I also love something easy, comfortable and delicious. Ask her where she would feel the most comfortable or excited to go this weekend. What chores or needs or conditions must be met so she can truly relax? If she says “I don’t know” then be more curious, ask a more pointed question, give options, convey your genuine interest!

QUALITY TIME WITH YOU

This is hard, especially for parents, but breakfast always happens, because it’s a well established ritual. Make quality time together a ritual; Friday morning coffee dates, teatime and talk Tuesdays (post kids bedtime), Sunday night state of the union (a plan for the week). It doesn’t have to be fancy, although I’d prefer it to be, it just has to happen consistently, the focus being time to connect.

INTIMACY,

THE WAY SHE DEFINES IT

Having more satisfying intimacy with your partner is about openly defining what it means to you both. Be curious, be consistent and be creative. How does she define it? Cuddling, foreplay, a smut novel book club between the two of you? Talk about what you like, focus on the journey and less the destination!

REAL CONNECTION

In an age where we are over-connected to our devices we are often deeply craving face-to-face connection with one another. Ask yourself this: how can we find time for a deep conversation, happy tears, deep belly laughter. How can I help make this happen with myself, friends or our family? What environment would best support this outcome for her?

GIFTS THAT CONVEY UNDERSTANDING

A gift should represent what you know about the recipient as much as how you feel about them. If she’s struggling to read at night perhaps a kindle or nightlight, if her neck has been hurting perhaps a massage or acupuncture, if she “never has time for herself” gift a thoughtful discussion of how to make that work between the two of you. Gift giving isn’t about money, it’s about real thought.

FUN TOGETHER

Remember that? Forget a stuffy, boring dinner date; take a salsa class instead, work together on a house project, try making pasta, learn a new language, start a book club for just the two of you. Spark new conversations and adventure together, it’s what keeps you evolving, together.

THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

What’s better than one date night? How about 52? Committing to a weekly date night for the next year is better than one nice gesture now. Take turns planning each week, one out of the house and the rest can be at home; “I pick the recipe night,” folding laundry & rewatch Friends, tell me why you hate your boss while I unload the dishwasher, coffee walk post drop-off. Find a way each week to re-commit to each other the rest of the year, the investment will pay off over time.